The Rules of Power – Teaching Kids to Use Influence Well

When we talk about “power,” most people picture politicians, CEOs, or generals. But kids? They see power every day too. On the playground. In the classroom. Even at the dinner table when one child decides what game everyone else will play.

The truth is: power isn’t just for adults. It shows up in small ways in our kids’ world, and the sooner they learn how it works—and how to use it wisely—the better.

Lesson 1: Power Comes from Choices

Kids love to test their “power.” One afternoon, I watched a little boy declare, “I’m the boss of recess.” He strutted around like a pint-sized dictator, telling everyone which slide they could go down and when. And for about five glorious minutes, it worked. Then someone pointed out that he couldn’t actually stop them from using the swings. His empire collapsed faster than a Jenga tower on a trampoline.

The lesson? Real power doesn’t come from shouting the loudest. It comes from choices that matter.

If your child chooses kindness, they shape the mood of the group. If they choose meanness, they can tear it down just as quickly.

Real Good Dad Tip: Teach your child that their choices affect others. Even small ones, like who they sit with at lunch or how they respond when someone’s left out.

Lesson 2: Power Without Responsibility Hurts People

I’ll never forget the time my daughter hosted a “tea party.” She handed out cups, poured imaginary tea, and assigned roles. I was told I had to be “the butler.” Her stuffed sloth was “the mayor.” And the panda? He got stuck as “the royal guard.”

At first, it was fun. But then she started barking orders like a drill sergeant hopped up on cupcakes. “Guard! Stand there! No talking! Butler, refill my cup!” Pretty soon, her cousin mutinied, the sloth “resigned,” and the tea party ended in tears.

That’s power gone wrong. When kids think leadership means bossing people around, they miss the point. Power without responsibility doesn’t build—it breaks.

Real Good Dad Tip: Use moments at home to show that leadership means carrying responsibility. If your child picks the family movie, they also help clean up the popcorn afterward. If they want to be “in charge,” they need to take care of those they’re leading.

Lesson 3: Power Is Shared, Not Hoarded

In the military, I learned that the best leaders weren’t the ones who took credit—they were the ones who gave it away. A good squad leader celebrated the team, not themselves. The ones who made everything about their own power? They lost trust, fast.

Kids are no different. True power grows when it’s shared. When your daughter invites the shy kid into the game, she gains influence. When your son lets someone else take a turn as “team captain,” he earns respect.

Dad Tip: Praise your child when they encourage others, share the spotlight, or let someone else lead.

A Military Lesson in Power

In uniform, I saw both sides of power.

There was a senior leader who loved the sound of his own voice. He barked orders, threw around his rank, and made sure everyone knew who was in charge. Technically, he had authority. But nobody followed him willingly. People did the bare minimum, because they didn’t trust him. His “power” was hollow—built on fear, not respect.

Then there was another leader, a quiet sergeant who never raised his voice. He didn’t demand respect—he earned it. He carried extra gear so his soldiers wouldn’t have to. He listened before he spoke. And when things went wrong, he took responsibility instead of shifting blame. His team would’ve followed him anywhere.

That’s the difference. One leader thought power was control. The other knew power was responsibility.

And that’s the same lesson I want my daughter to learn on the playground. Yelling “I’m the boss!” might win her five minutes of control. But serving others, sharing credit, and taking responsibility? That builds influence that lasts.

A Dad’s Perspective

Over decades in uniform, I learned that power and trust are inseparable. Authority without care is just noise. But authority with responsibility can change everything.

My daughter doesn’t need to know battlefield lessons yet, but she does need to know this: if she wants to lead, she must serve. If she wants people to follow, she must earn their trust.

So when she plays “queen of the castle” at home, I laugh, but I also ask: “How will your people feel if you treat them that way?” It shifts the game from bossing to leading.

Because power isn’t about being on top—it’s about lifting others up.

A Challenge for Other Dads

This week, talk to your kids about the “rules of power.” Ask them:

• Who has power at school?

• How do they use it?

• How could you use your influence to help someone else?

Then give them a chance to try it: stand up for a friend, invite someone into a game, or give a classmate the credit they deserve.

And when they inevitably pull the “I’m the boss!” routine, don’t just shut it down. Laugh with them, then point out the truth: real leaders don’t need to shout. They show their power in the way they serve, share, and take responsibility.

Closing Thought

The earlier our kids learn the rules of power, the better they’ll be at using influence for good.

Because the world doesn’t need more playground dictators—or leaders who confuse control with respect. It needs more kids who know that real power isn’t about control—it’s about character.